Thursday, May 27, 2010

FREE Banzai Inflatable Bouncer Giveaway

Hello peoples!

It's me, Oliver, and I’m here to talk to you about everyone’s favorite word… it’s a simple, yet beautiful; short, yet thrilling; strange, yet lovely kind of word. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I’m talking about… TAXES!! No, I’m joking. Please forgive me and come down off that ledge. I’m sorry. I’m talking about the word FREE.

We love the sound of it. Our ears perk up when we hear it on TV, it catches our eye when we see it in the newspaper; yet very often we are disappointed when we realize that although a store may be giving away a “FREE” potted plant or a “FREE” bottle of ketchup with your purchase, they failed to let you know up front some minor details. Such as:

  • your purchase had to be a minimum of $500
  • you had to pay it in cash
  • all your grandparents must be present
  • your middle name must be Hubert Horatio Hornblower
  • you have to sign up for a year long subscription to “the American Journal of Gastroenterology” (all for the low price of $34.99)

Makes you think twice before reaching for that FREE giveaway, doesn’t it? Well, I have some real good news. OrangeOnions.com is giving you the opportunity to win a FREE, yes; really, truly, positively and unequivocally F-R-E-E Banzai Inflatable Obstacle Course Bouncer!


Kids (and adults) will enjoy hours and hours of complete bounceability (I just made up that word) on this inflatable bouncer! There are not 1, not 2; but 14 ways to enter to win this fabulous prize (valued at $399.99). On top of that, you can enter to win daily by tweeting or updating your Facebook status! Just sign up for the newsletter, subscribe to the YouTube Channel, leave a product review, whatever, there are over a dozen ways to enter this drawing. Find out all the ways to enter the Banzai Inflatable Bouncer Giveaway to get your bounce on. And best of all, it’s absolutely FREE. The way free was intended to be.

So next time you’re offered that “FREE” hamster grooming kit (complete with a his and hers nail clipper), maybe take a pass on that and instead go to the best online discount store around where you can really get something for FREE.

Until next time,
Oliver, leader of the FREE world…

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Congratulations to the Recent Graduates!

Hi Everyone! It's me, Oliver; the Grand Goombah of Graduation Gifts!

What is a Goombah you ask? Frankly, I have no idea, but if there ever was a Grand Goombah of Graduation Gifts, I'm it. Spring is here and graduation time is fast approaching! Be it your son, daughter, sibling, friend or whomever; this is a HUGE milestone in their lives. When I was younger, I didn't quite appreciate the importance of pursuing and completing my education. Here's how a typical conversation between my mom and myself would go:

Mom: "Oliver dear, you have to go to College, you have to finish school, blah blah blah blah blah"

Me: "Why Mom? Why do I need to go to college??"

Mom: "So you can say you're a college graduate" .

Me: "Like I can't say that now?! Like I try and the words just won't come out? I'm a college gradhshsg, I'm a colklkh gradtythe! For heaven sake, I'm a COLLEGE GRADUATE MOM! There I said it!

Due to the fact that this a family style blog, Mom's response has been edited and stricken from the record.

My point is: THIS IS A HUGE MILESTONE. So whether he/she is receiving a Bachelor's Degree in Great Geothermal Molecular Biostructures of the 19th Century or a Master's Degree in Golf 101, don't let this moment of bliss go unnoticed! Stop by OrangeOnions.com and check our "Good Luck" Plush Potted Plant and Mug Set (try saying THAT 10 times fast!) or our beautiful collection of Timex Watches for Him and Her. Whatever it is you're looking for, you'll find it at OrangeOnions.com.

Until next time,
Oliver, the C-O-L-L-E-G-E G-R-A-D-U-A-T-E. There, I said it.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Pamper Your Pets & Save Money!


Hello Everyone!

It’s me Oliver and I’m here today to talk to you about pets. That’s right. Pets. Let’s face it. We love our pets. Dogs, cats, parakeets, one eyed spider monkeys, whatever it is, we love our pets. As a matter of fact, there was a statistic in the news last year that claimed that over 1 million Americans (I am not making this up) have their PET listed as a primary beneficiary on their LIFE INSURANCE POLICY. Crazy? Maybe. Ok, probably. BUT, it does underscore my point. As Americans we are obsessed with our little furry friends, and I’m here to tell you that right now at orangeonions.com you can…

Take an additional 20% off ALL Pet Items!

So look, we’re closing in on June, which we all know is “National Go Out and Buy Your Pet a Gift Month” so don’t delay. (Ok, I TOTALLY made that up, there is no such holiday, but give it a few years and there probably will be). So whether you’re getting our Pet Lovers Mug or our 30” designer plush pet chair, you’ll be getting an adorable product at an affordable price. So stop by today at OrangeOnions.com and happy shopping! We’ve got a great selection of pet motorcycles for Fifi to test drive today. (Ok, I’m joking, but we have a lot of other really neat items). You never know what you’ll find at OrangeOnions!


Until next time,
Oliver “sometimes I wish I were a pet” the Orange Onion

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

A Mother's Day Tip for the Procrastinators

Hello again everybody! It’s me Oliver and I have a message for all you procrastinators out there! You see, I am an expert on procrastination. Growing up, I pushed off anything and everything, and it drove my family nuts. My family laughed about it but my Dad didn’t think it was so funny and he went out and bought me a book called “The Procrastinator’s Handbook” to help me break the habit. I hate to admit this, but… I haven’t read it yet (true story). Although if I do ever get around to reading it, I’m sure it will be really helpful. It takes one to know one, so take it from me, and this will be my TIP OF THE DAY:

DON’T DO TODAY WHAT YOU CAN PUSH OFF UNTIL TOMORROW!

Or, is it don’t push off until tomorrow what you can do today. Either way, my message to you, my adoring fans out there, is this:

Mother’s Day is HERE. Not next month, not in a couple of weeks. No, it’s this coming Sunday! So put down “The Procrastinator’s handbook” (we all know you’ll never finish it) and go to OrangeOnions.com where you can still get Mom what she REALLY wants! Look, for all you dads and husbands out there; we’ve all been guilty (on occasion) of letting the garbage pile up until it causes a partial Solar eclipse. But you know what? You buy her that Sterling Silver 8” Bracelet with the Heart ID Tag and watch how quickly she’ll forgive and forget! And maybe it takes you 6 months to replace the light bulb in the basement. It’s all fine and dandy. As soon as she lays here eyes on the Solid Wood Anniversary Clock with the Walnut Finish, all will be forgiven, my friends. Even if you have no idea what to get the Mom is your life, use the OrangeOnions Gift Finder to find exactly what she wants.  So no matter who you’re shopping for this Mother’s Day, you still have time to do it right. Not much time, but it’s not too late.

So for all you “Late coming Larrys” or “Push it off Pattys” out there, fear not. We have the Mother’s Day Sale going until May 15th! Just enter the promo code MOM15 and receive 15% off your entire purchase! Don’t procrastinate! I learnt that from a book I once started.

Until next time,
“On time” Oliver