Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Looks Like Rain. Or Sun. Or Both. Maybe Neither.

Hello there people! It’s me, Oliver and I want to talk about the weather. Now, I realize that this may strike you as odd because usually you only discuss the weather when you find yourself standing in a doctor’s office/elevator/auto shop/train and in the absence of anything else to talk about with the complete stranger standing next to you, you blurt out something REALLY intelligent, such as "Beautiful day out there, huh?" only to remember that it’s a minor hurricane out there or there are 21 inches of snow falling as you speak. Truth be told, neither you, nor the stranger you’re talking to, give a hoot about the weather. Nevertheless, we humans don’t enjoy awkward moments of silence and so we feel the urge to discuss the weather with anyone and everyone and frankly, nobody knows what they’re talking about.

I actually have a friend, Kevin Marcus, (this is a true story) who earns his living as a "long range weather forecaster." There are companies that actually PAY him to forecast, for example, what the Soybean crop in Mogadishu will look like 2 years from now. Now I don’t know about you, but I always assumed that the local TV weatherman where I live must have been run over by a stray cumulonimbus cloud because he can’t accurately predict what will be 3 minutes from now. So how the heck Kevin knows what the weather will look like in a YEAR OR TWO FROM NOW is beyond me. But, that’s his job, so good for him! I still think he’s making it all up. Well, why am I telling you all this? (After all, you are NOT a complete stranger.) The reason I am telling you this is because now, you too, can be like Kevin. You see at OrangeOnions, you can get the Discovery Channel Forecasting WeatherTech Station or the Storm Tracker and always be ready to face the elements. Best of all, after 5 minutes, you may be knowledgeable enough to apply for a certain job with my local TV station.

Well that’s my weather rant for the day, but as a wise man once said "Everybody talks about the weather, yet nobody does anything about it."

Partly Orange with a mix of scattered Onions,

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