Monday, July 19, 2010

Why Can't They Invent a Cordless Extension Cord?

Hello everybody!

It's me Oliver and I'm here today to talk to you about the joys of being "cordless." You see; Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, etc... were all brilliant inventors who; despite their penchant for wearing funny looking, knee-high white socks, were also wonderful people who made tremendous contributions to society. As a matter of fact; after Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, we were treated to perhaps the dumbest quote in American history. It came from then President Rutherford B. Hayes who after trying Mr. Bell's invention said (and I'm not making this up), "An amazing invention, but why would anyone want to use it?" Needless to say, you will not find too many mothers today who name their sons Rutherford.

My point is, that with all due respect to these great Americans and their inventions, their inventions lacked the single most important feature... They weren't CORDLESS. Now I'm sure that whoever invented the extension cord was also a great guy but just THINK about how much harder our lives would be if, say, our cars all had to be plugged in while driving. We wouldn't get very far and traffic would be constantly tangled up. Think how dangerous it would be for airplanes criss-crossing through the skies with 800 mile extension cords in their wake! So I submit to you that the cordless feature is the single greatest advance in modern technology!

With that in mind I'd like to introduce you to the latest achievement in the world of all things cordless. Ladies and Gentlemen... Please welcome the cordless Margaritaville Frozen Concoction Maker! You can take this hardware from heaven to the beach, on a picnic, on your yacht or just your backyard. It can make up to 80 drinks on a single charge so you can make even a weekend visit to your in-laws feel like paradise. Well, maybe not paradise, but it'll be a bit more exciting! So pick one up today at your favorite discount store and experience Margaritaville... Unplugged.

Until next time,
Rutherford the Orange Onion
(I felt bad for President Hayes)

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