Monday, October 11, 2010

GENERALLY SPEAKING...

Hello Everybody!

It's me, Oliver, and I'm here today to sound the alarm and bring you a warning from the Surgeon General! By the way, this always struck me as odd. Why do we call him the "Surgeon General"? I understand we wouldn't want to refer to him as a "General Surgeon" because that wouldn't distinguish him from thousands of other general surgeons across the country, but "Surgeon General"?! Come on here people! My 5th grade grammar teacher, Ms. Simms, must be shaking her head in disbelief at this gross abuse of the English vernacular. Do you know of any other government officials that are so named? There is no Vice President General, Treasury Secretary General or Secretary of State General! I'm sure that Surgeon feels pretty darn special but I don't know why he has to be different than everyone else. Well, anyway, enough of my rant against the Surgeon. I'm here to inform you of the following important safety announcement:

THE FOLLOWING DEAL MAY CAUSE UNCONTROLLED EXCITEMENT. IF YOU HAVE A HEART CONDITION PLEASE CONSULT WITH YOUR PHYSICIAN BEFORE READING THE NEXT PARAGRAPH.

Thank you, Mr. General. Now here's the exciting part... at OrangeOnions for a limited time All Clocks are 60% Off! No, you're eyes are not going bad, you read correctly... I said 60% OFF! As in SIXTY, not 10, not 20, I said 60. That's a pretty amazing discount off of ALREADY amazing prices on a large selection of Bulova & Disney Clocks! But hurry because there are only 4 days left in what may be the Biggest Clock Sale EVER at my favorite online discount store!

P.S. Surgeon General's Warning: Never EVER read a Surgeon General's warning while operating heavy machinery.

Until next time,
Oliver the Orange Onion General

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