Friday, September 9, 2011

OLIVER IS BACK! BLOGOSPHERE BEWARE!

To quote my ol' buddy Elvis... Thank you very much! Thank you very much! Yes ladies and gents, the headline you just read is absolutely true! You see, I have a confession to make, and while this may shock, pain, confuse and/or surprise the bejabbers out of you, I'm going to come right out and say it:
This whole "Oliver is the world's only talking, walking, blogging Orange Onion" thing? It's ALL A MYTH! Indeed, I, Oliver, great Orange hope to talking foods throughout the world, am in fact, very much HUMAN. Yes, HUMAN. We will now take a short "blog intermission" while you, my dear readers, come to terms with this startling revelation.

(Blog Intermission...)

I don't know about you, but during that short intermission, many similar life-altering and sobering reality checks came to my mind:

The time I learned that Santa Claus did NOT, in fact, come down the chimney but rather it was Dad himself, in the middle of the night (10:30 pm or so), placing the latest chess and checker set, Monopoly or as in most years, a hideous knit sweater at the foot of the tree.

And the time I realized (hopefully this was sometime before I turned 3 or 4 but I can't recall) that Uncle Dale wasn't actually taking my nose in his hands and my nose remained exactly where it always was. While that was good news in and of itself, I no longer revered Uncle Dale as some Harry Potter-like wizard, and began to view him as just plain strange. REALLY strange.

There are many such moments in life and while I realize these moments may be somewhat unsettling, we're all better off in the long run knowing the truth. Which leads me to my point over here. The reason Oliver's posts have been on hiatus is I was actually on paternity leave. I was recently blessed with my 4th child and after spending many a sleepless night, contemplating the future and direction of Oliver's blogs, I have decided to shift gears going forward. Now that I'm a self-proclaimed expert in parenting, I have decided to dedicate my blogs to sharing the wonderful experience of parenting, child raising, sleepless nights and leaky diapers (relax, I'm JOKING about the diapers part. Well, kind of, anyway) with all of my loyal readers. I'm looking forward to sharing these experiences with all of you on a regular basis so that when the time comes, you may do a better job of preparing YOUR children to learn the truth about Santa coming down the chimney. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some mouths to feed... Talk to you all soon!

Until next time,

Oliver the (shockingly mythical) Orange Onion